Monday Morning Musings
Volume XXIV, Number 40 (Issue 1201) October 5, 2026
Can You Relate?
There are lots of individuals I struggle relating to. Part of that struggle is due to a lack of shared experiences. Another factor is the dissimilarities in our current circumstances. Could that be true for you too?
In my case, I grew up in a middle-class family in the suburban south in the fifties and sixties. If that describes you, at least we have that in common. But is that enough? While having similar backgrounds and experiences makes it easier for us to relate to one another, it is more complex than that. If you are female, a member of a minority race, an immigrant, naturalized citizen, of a different generation, part of a large family, were raised in a big city, a small town, or a rural setting lacking modern conveniences, if English is not your native language, you experienced poverty as a child or lived in a family of considerable means, follow a different faith tradition, live with a chronic, debilitating illness, etc., for us to establish a fundamental connection is going to take some time. It is not impossible. But it probably will not come quickly or easily if we are not committed to making it happen.
Being who I am, I can only imagine, but I will never comprehend, what it is like to be female and be subjected to all of society’s negative messaging or the physical peril, and systemic pay inequity that being female entails. The same is true when it comes to being a member of a religious or ethnic minority, or to live with a disability – regardless of gender. Thus, unless I follow the lead of John Howard Griffin, the author of “Black Like Me,” I can never know what it is like to be black, female, disabled, etc., in America.
On the other hand, I know firsthand what it is like to live paycheck to paycheck. Been there. Done that. Hope we never go back to that sort of struggle. And while there were years and years when I traveled days or multiple weeks at a time for business, we never had to make the sacrifice that so many in our military and their loved ones are called to make during prolonged periods of deployment.
Likewise, while I did not experience poverty growing up, neither did I know what it is like to live in the lap of luxury. I drove a ten-year-old hand-me-down car when I enrolled in college. My grandmother had to cosign the note so I could buy my first new truck. Not counting odd jobs for my dad and in the neighborhood, I went to work as soon as I could get my driver’s license. Furthermore, I have worked ever since apart from five weeks at the end of my senior year when I took time off to carry an extra heavy course load to graduate. I also paid as-I-went for my schooling. As a result, I never had to take on nor was I saddled with student loan debt whereas many in our younger generations are living with the crush of such debt long after graduation.
I could bore you with more details from both my origin and back stories. But there is no need to waste your time with that, other than to say that though I have experienced much, there is so much more I have not personally experienced. I am thinking the same holds true for you – so I guess we have that in common.
When all is said and done, there are at least two points to all of this. First, it is hard to dismiss the affinity bias (the desire to be surrounded by people who are like us – people who have similar backgrounds, experiences, values, and beliefs). It makes for fewer misunderstandings and thereby less stress or so the theory goes. But it limits our growth which brings me to the second and possibly more crucial point. While there are many people with some shared/similar experiences, there are many more with whom we have little to nothing in common. Because of those differences, we invariably struggle to understand where others come from, their point of view, and the basis for many of their actions and decisions. Yet if we are willing to be open, patient, can listen for understanding, prepared to put in the work, and set aside our personal biases, there is much we can learn from those who are not like us.
Soli Deo Gloria
“I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want.” Philippians 4:12
J. Keith Hughey
Mobile: (210) 260-0955
E-mail: keith@jkeithhughey.com
Website: www.jkeithhughey.com
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